Highway to Hell
by booth258
Summary: Going back with the theme of supernatural. What if there were others from other fandoms who went through the same things as the winchesters went through. In This Strict AU fanfiction Crossover we introduce different fandoms to the concept of hunting and traveling with the winchesters beginning right after azazel killed Mary and telling the story of a life on the road.
1. Teaser

He d never thought he d have such a life as to be allowed to have a wife, Children. A family. He d felt so grateful to feel things that he d never felt in his life. Especially this kind of love. He d felt like he was one of the lucky ones as he d never believe that he d ever lead a normal life as he wasn t a normal man. He was a vampire with a soul but he d gotten the chance to live again. The chance to be happy and have something he d always believed was forbidden to him. Alicia was the light of his life. He d met her one stormy night in Lawrence, Kansas. He d been at some old school diner drinking a cappacino and there she d been. Just as beautiful as ever. Long, soft brown-blonde hair and dark blue eyes-Blue eyes the color of the ocean. But if there was one thing that he could ve told from the start with Alicia was that she wasn t delicate. He d found out that her parents had died and she was staying with friends of the family. Their daughter, Mary was her best friend. They were taking care of Alicia until she graduated high school. At first, Angel remembered he hadn t really felt worthy to be around her. Felt as if it as part of his redemption to distance himself from her because he was afraid. Afraid that if he got to know her, Angelus could come out and if that happened, Angelus would destroy her. He d even tried to push her away at first. Tried to tell himself that he was doing it for her. That in the long run, he was saving her life. But until that first night when he d met her he hadn t believed in Love at first sight-But that night made him a believer-. He couldn t stop thinking about her after that night and even though he hadn t been the one to break and go after her he d wanted to. Alicia had never been the type of woman to do whatever anyone else told her to do or accept dire circumstances. Sure, Samuel Campbell who had stepped in to finish raising Alicia after her parents had died in a accident knew about who and what angel was and he wanted Angel to have no part of Alicia s life. You re parents would roll over in their graves if they knew you were hanging around with the likes of him , Samuel Campbell had declared bluntly. But it didn t matter. Alicia didn t do what people expected of her or demanded her to do. She did what was right for her and that included when her parents had been alive-Atleast that s what she d told him years after they were married-. Their married life and just plain knowing her was the best experience he d ever had in his entire existence. Instead of him going after her, She d come after him not taking no for an answer. He d even told her what he was in the beginning thinking she d run out of that diner scared out of her mind. But she d done nothing of the sort. You seem like a nice enough Vampire to me! you may have guessed already..I have good instincts when it comes to these things , Was her bold and cocky reply. That in itself had amused and shocked angel at the same time. That hadn t been the reply he d been expecting. She wasn t afraid of him. Even when she d learned about the things he d done-and ofcourse about Angelus-. You have a soul. Angelus is you without a soul..So it s not really you now is it? , that was a tricky situation. It was him, yet it wasn t. But he still had alot to atone for whether it was him or wasn t him. But Alicia had made feel so much more worthy. Worthy to have her and there children in his life-Worthy to be more than just a vampire with a soul-. But in a sense, Even back then it seemed like it went against all the laws of what he was and what his destiny was supposed to be and yet again it felt right-It felt good-. It had taken alot for him to realize how right it really was and go with it. It had taken him what seemed forever for her to put a ring on her finger but it had happened. But there was alot he hadn t known about then. One thing being the secret life that Alicia had had up until she d moved in with the Campbells and her parents had died. There was a reason Alicia had come off different than alot of girls-Not in the least bit a delicate flower-. But she was beautiful and it was the kind of beauty that was inside out. It came to be as though they all become friends with Mary in her fiance John. John had been Angel s best man on their wedding day and angel had been John s best man on his wedding day just as Mary had been Alicia s Bridesmaid and vice versa. They had stayed pretty close for a while. But life changes and they did too. Mary and John wanted to stay in Lawrence and raise a family there. Mary had just given birth to a son they d named Dean . Angel and Alicia had been named the child s god-parents. He was a beautiful baby boy with soft light brown hair and dark, yet happy eyes. But it wasn t too long after that when John and Mary Moved into a nice 2 story home afew blocks away from this garage that John had become partners with an old buddy of his-they were going to run the garage together to fix and repair cars-. But it wasn t long after that when Angel and Alicia had learned that they were pregnant too. The truth was that it had taken a while for them to actually make love. Sure, it was always making love to Angel. Maybe he had an old soul. It was just how he looked at things. But one day she d convinced him, He didn t know how she was able to do it, but she did and there was no Angelus afterwards. It was pure bliss and there had been no consequences except a month later when Alicia told him that she was indeed, Pregnant. Angel had thought that at that moment he was the happiest man in the world. Who knew that a vampire with a soul would get to be a husband and a father and be blessed with such good friends. At that moment he d been on top of the world. He d never felt such happiness in his life. And just as Mary and John had named the two of them god-parents for Little dean who was just starting to crawl when Connor entered the world, Angel and Alicia had named John and Mary the parents of Connor. It was really a sweet , Beautiful honor. But it wasn t long after that they decided to move away. While Mary and John would probably never leave Lawrence, Kansas Angel and Alicia had wanted to move to a different town and they d chosen a small town in North Carolina about twenty miles outside of Charlotte called Tree Hill .

Tree hill was a wonderful town. The perfect town to raise a family in and everyone seemed really friendly. Sure, there were your busy bodies who stuck their noses in everyone s business but out of the bunch Karen Rowe was the Gem. She was one friend that he and Alicia had in common in town. Even if Karen had been just his friend he didn t think Alicia would ve minded in the least as she wasn t the jealous kind. Besides, Karen was a single mother raising a little boy who just acouple of weeks old, She d named him Nathan. with dark hair and dark blue eyes, she said he looked just like his father. But that was a very hurtful thing for Karen too as everyone knew that Dan Scott had left Karen and the baby to have a career in basketball but even that had gone wrong. But he was trying to be a father. He was trying to do the right thing irregardless of the fact that now he had a newborn son with another woman-angel hadn t met her but he d heard Karen talk about her-. Said her name was Deb. Angel really commended Keith who happened to be both babies uncle and was staying by Karen s side to help her raise baby Nathan. But To tell the truth, Angel didn t have an opinion of Dan one way or the other. While he had a rather big opinion of Victoria Davis who had just given birth to a baby girl and was just so nasty about it. she d stopped into Karen s Cafe , which was just a little restaurant that Karen ran out of her home going on about how since little Brooke s birth her life was over. Now I m plagued by that little brat ..Victoria had said. Just the mere sight of the woman infuriated angel. Alicia had to remind him over and over throughout the years that there s good in everyone.

It had been Karen who had helped them prepare the nursery when Alicia had gotten pregnant again. It was a beautiful nursery. A nursery which would be used not just for this baby but for others to come. It was a room with plush sky blue carpet and pure white wallpaper with dancing Teddy-bears and a white crib and green,white,red, and blue Teddy bear bedding with a matching changing table and toy box. It had been a little baby s dream nursery. Karen, Keith , and a month old Nathan as well as their own son, a 2 year old, Connor were there to welcome the new baby into the world. Alicia had given birth to a little girl that night, A little girl with light brown hair and dark hazel eyes, A little girl they named Haley. Haley was just as beautiful of a baby as Connor was as everyone did the obvious oohing and awing when it came to every baby that was born.

Haley was a very playful child who loved to play with toy musical instruments as she got older and would bang on pots and pans with a wooden spoon for hours. Alicia had said that she was going to be a little Beethoven when she grew up. A while after her 1st birthday they started to prepare again for their third child. 3 days before Christmas Ethan came into the world. Ethan looked like an identical match to what angel must ve looked like as a baby..Soft light brown hair and dark, sensitive hazel eyes. He looked absolutely beautiful blue, especially baby blue. By this time Haley and Nathan had started to become best friends and even though they were barely a year old and couldn t say much when angel took Haley to Karen s cafe they d sit at a little baby table Karen had set up in the back and they d play with their toys until angel would come and get Haley and take her away. Everyone would just swoon to hear that little Ethan was a December baby . Karen had started to talk about getting more involved with Keith. She loved being a mother. Especially a mother to a 1 year old and eventually she wanted more children than just Nathan. Ethan was more of a quiet little boy in which seemed more sensitive and complex than most small children were. Alicia had claimed that he was little angel through and through. while most of the other kids were more full of excitement and rambunctious most of the time, But not Ethan. Sure, he had his times when he was playful. But he wasn t an outside person and he didn t like to travel much.

When Connor was almost five, Haley was 3, and Ethan was 2 Alicia found out she was pregnant again and they prepared for another baby. their fourth child. Now Keith had finally popped the question to Karen and she d said yes. They were officially engaged to be married. He wanted to adopt Nathan as his son. But where they stood Dan was a father to Nathan and he did take him on the weekends and give Karen money and he wouldn t have his brother adopting his son when he was a good father even though he was with another woman didn t mean he was less of a father. But Now Karen wanted to be a mother again. Now with Nathan just turning 3 years old she knew he was growing up fast, Too fast. But she wanted atleast three kids. sometimes she was a bit jealous of Angel and Alicia with their almost four children. She was happy for them though. Alicia had told her ahead of time that they were going to make her and Keith this baby s god-parents and she d been so happy about that. That had meant the world to her.

It had seemed that baby Elizabeth had come into the world with an opinionated smile. As you didn t get anymore opinionated than Elizabeth. with soft light brown hair and dark blue eyes she was a beautiful baby and everyone about fell over each other to tell them how beautiful little Elizabeth was. There wasn t a time in her first few months when she didn t laugh or giggle. Those wonderful months leading up until the night of the night she was six months old, that had been the night that had changed their world, Destroyed their world forever. That had been the night when everything had been destroyed. and Yet he d been so naive. He d done the one thing he d feared he d do, the one thing he d never wanted to do. He d forgotten. He d forgotten about all of the things that went bump in the night and all of the innocents that depended on his help and most of all: he d forgotten how calice and malicious evil; True evil could be. He d been foolish, for on that night he d been reminded about how cruel and horrifying those monsters could be and yet he d become an innocent. He d become a normal man with a family and that was the one moment in time where he d become the biggest prey of all. He wasn t untouchable anymore and neither were any of the people he loved. The echo of that night is still as powerful as it was when he d lived through it the first time, An echo that brings pain and tragedy in a wake of deep and unforgettable,Revenge.


	2. Broken

-Tree Hill,NC - October 31,1983-

Ch.1 Broken

He stood inches behind her. She was beautiful in every way. She was just as beautiful if not more beautiful right now sitting there in the silky, baby blue night-gown than she was the first day he d met her. her soft long brown-blonde hair fell down to her mid back and her skin that always seemed to look slightly tanned made her look like a supermodel to him. He watched as her sparking, Ocean blue eyes scanned a notebook that she kept, she called it A Journal . Said once that it was much different than an actually diary. He hadn t asked her what she d meant as he had secrets too, he sposed everyone did so he hadn t asked her how a journal differed from a diary. Later he d wished he would ve known or had those Journals to fall back on. But later it had been too late.

he stroked her long soft hair kissing it softly. She just smiled. she put the journal down sliding it into a drawer as wiped another tear away so Angel wouldn t have to see her like this. If there was one thing Alicia would never tolerate, it was for angel to see her like this. She was always felt emotional and sad when she read old journal entries. Especially when they had to do with Christopher. Christopher had been her baby brother. She d been Connor s age when he d went missing in the night and her parents had taken her on the road to try and find him. Her life had seemed to end on that night. She could remember it like it had been yesterday. All of the towns they d went through doing something her father had called hunting , of course she d been locked away in a cluttered, cheap motel room and didn t have much of a childhood. Until she was ten years old and her father taught her how to use a rifle. He d even taught her how to use alot of other weapons. Some, to her at the time had seemed to be ripped right from old movies-Like old swords and Bows and arrows-. But she was a good hunter. But As far as she was concerned her life didn t really start until she met Angel. The thrill of hunting monsters knowing they were never going to find or see her little brother alive again was lackluster to her and with angel she d believed she had a chance to move on. To have a normal life. She loved him more than she d ever loved anything. She d sacrifice her own life for him and their children. He was everything. But he d caught her at a very emotional time tonight and she was doing the best she could to hide the remnants of a life he knew nothing about. She knew that she should ve told him. She planned to tell him someday. But it never seemed like the right time. Not even tonight. She knew he d be fine with it. After all, He was part of that world. But if she told him about that, She d have to tell him about other things she d done. She wasn t ready for that just yet. They were so happy now. Her past coming back would just ruin things and make things dark and sad. Dark and sad had been the things her childhood had been made of. She couldn t do that. Not now. Maybe even not ever.

.. you re so beautiful ..Angel murmured . She sighed after a moment. I think you give me too much credit but thank you , there was a slight smile on her face now. Now with Angel s words. His beautiful words she could move past the memories of the night her little brother vanished and think about uplifting things. The quicker she changed the subject the better she d feel. She didn t turn around, just let Angel stroke her hair and make her feel as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world even though at times she didn t feel like it. Sometimes she felt as if she was an old and tired animal that should be put out of it s misery, as if even now all of the years of hunting had made her hard but all Angel could or would ever see was a soft beauty..She adored him for that. Even though at times she thought he was lying.

..Can you believe how big she s getting..Six months already! , Alicia called out as if a bold way to change the subject when angel was boasting about how beautiful she was and she felt ugly. Ugly for keeping stuff from him, Ugly for feeling like she did about her past. He made her feel like a princess. He smiled brightly at her comment. It hadn t seemed that long ago little Elizabeth was a newborn and now she was six months and as beautiful as ever..her soft brown hair waved slightly and her dark blue eyes glistened as radiantly as her mother s. Angel was surely proud of his family and all of their accomplishments.

That she is. She s beautiful..Before we know it she ll be crawling all over the place! , Was angel s proud reply. She then stood and turned letting herself be held by Angel. they held each other in each others arms feeling loved and adored by one another. Pulling close together with deep, passionate romantic kisses that could and would make any couple jealous and want more. They held each other for what seemed like hours not realizing that it might just have been the last time they d ever hold each other again. Just his warmth, His loving arms around her made her feel whole. Made her feel special. She then smiled up into his eyes with that witty, Sassiness that he d fallen in love with. I think I love, Mr. Angel , She giggled in a teasing delight. he d smirk.. You ll never know how much I love you and how I d give up anything and everything for you , He d replied. But his reply had been less cocky and more serious than ever before. He meant every word he d said. He wanted her to know just how much she was loved and adored. Just what he d give up to have her for the rest of eternity. and Maybe it was layered on a bit thick , but he meant every word.

Her eyes glistened with flattery and love.. You know I love you , she replied as small tear escaped sliding down her face. He caught it before she could hide it as she normally would. He then smiled her way, pulling in for one last passionate Kiss that meant the world to them and so much more. Then they pulled apart. She went upstairs to get ready for bed and check in on the children, while Angel went upstairs to take a bath and then crawl into their bed. He d sleep like a baby tonight, that was for sure. the day s events had been rather tiresome as this was a landmark for little Elizabeth and she was getting so big, Pretty soon she d be celebrating her first birthday.

Alicia had went straight to the nursery. She d leaned down to kiss Elizabeth softly on the cheek as the bay smiled up at her, her dark blue eyes sparkled in the darkness of the night s hour as a sliver of moonlight shined in to make everything seem much more haunting than it was. she ignored it just smiling down at her baby girl. Elizabeth s soft brown hair fell down on her forehead like soft silk and she d been dressed in white and purple pajamas with feet. there was a Princess Fairy tale Mobile that dangled and swung above the crib and Elizabeth would just smile up at it and giggle and wink.

That had been when Alicia had turned. She d turned at the wrong time and seen the wrong thing. She d turned to see a man. No it wasn t a man. Not really a man at all. All of his features seemed like he was normal but it was the eyes that had given it away. Those dark, glistening yellow eyes that had looked at her with unimaginable evil. Such as as she d stared at once before and then she knew what she was dealing with. She felt so weak. She wanted to protect her family..at this moment especially Elizabeth. She d left that life behind, She was no longer a hunter but this demon didn t care whether she was a hunter or not. She petrified. Especially by the wry smile on the demon s face. Angel , She shrieked out screaming in terror as she was suspended up the walls and forced upon the ceiling right above her baby s crib. It felt as if something more powerful yet indescribable was holding her there as if stuck to the ceiling entirely, she couldn t move. All she could do was scream. Scream for herself-Scream for her children-Scream for Angel. Then the demon stepped over the crib and peered down at her daughter. that s when it had occurred to Alicia. The yellow eyed demon hadn t come for her because she was a hunter, He d come for Elizabeth. But this knowledge didn t stop her from screaming. She had to get help. It didn t matter what happened to her anymore. What mattered was there daughter, their children.

Angel had been downstairs with a glass of pig s blood and a good book and he d just started reading. The true reason why he was reading was that he had alot on his mind. It seemed as if he felt that something was going to happen. there was an haunted feeling that surrounded him. He knew what that feeling was. It was his vampire senses telling him that something wasn t right. Something bad was going to happen. But he d turned himself away from that world and way of things that went on in that world. He d stopped existing and started living the day he d decided to marry Alicia but now he was being warned, he was being told that something wasn t right. The moonlight radiated in through the picture windows in the downstairs den, Tonight the moon seemed nostalgic and haunting. As if the condition of the moon and the feeling deep inside of him were banning together to warn him that something bad was going to happen and that nothing was safe.

He d dropped his book, placing the blood back on the oak desk and stood up as if sensing danger from all angles. It was dark tonight, Even in the house. All he had for light was the luminescent glow of the moon that poured in reminding him nothing was safe and that his family was in danger.

That s when he d heard. A Shriek so pounding and terrifying that it had made him bolt towards those stairs that led upstairs to where the children were sleeping, where Alicia was supposed to be sleeping but it was alicia s scream he d heard. Just the terrible sound of her in danger made him feel as if he was being destroyed one piece of him at a time and all he could do was run, Run with nothing but the moon s glow for light. But truthfully he didn t need any light to see. He could always see fine in the dark, Part of being a vampire. All of his vampire strength and speed had forced him at a super-fast pace up them stairs and running down the hallway. He sensed it now. Something was in his house. Maybe it was because he d let the vampire side of himself back in enough to realize that things weren t safe here, But he could sense and smell something else here in the house with them.

Every instinct he had told him to stay away from the Nursery. He was afraid to go in there and the truth was that he d never been afraid in all of his existence. But just knowing that he didn t want to go in there told him that that s the place he needed to be. That s where Alicia was, he knew it. All he could think about as he ran to the nursery door with such to determination and worry was he had to get to Alicia and the baby.

But the second he opened the door and stepped inside, Letting the haunted feeling of what seemed like an old horror movie carry him further and further into this nightmare, A nightmare that seemed to have no end and get worse and worse. Soon he was in the nursery. It no longer looked bright nor did it look cheerful, It wreaked of shadows and darkness. Angel rushed to the crib to stare in at baby Elizabeth needing to know of the baby s safety first. the baby wiggled and giggled staring up at angel. The truth was that everything seemed normal. But his instincts told him that nothing was normal..and then there was that smell. that smell that no vampire could or would mistake. It was the smell of blood.

He stroked Elizabeth s soft brown hair and then turned away. Tears began to well up in his eyes. He felt as if something was mocking him in the distance. As if he was being watched. The smell of blood became even more intense as he seemed to smell it everywhere. Moonlight reflected through the window near the crib where the baby laid in bed spiraling upward to the ceiling, that s when Angel saw it. The most horrifying thing Angel had ever seen in his entire existence, it was there. and there was no denying his horror as he d fallen down to his knees. It was Alicia. She was there against the ceiling, To him it seemed like she was stuck there, somehow. Her stomach was bleeding. blood dripped down, hastily from her stomach but the woman that had laid their in agony to suffer a brutal and horrifying death was now lifeless and gone-her eyes were devoid of any of the life and beauty that the world had given her. As Angel gazed up seeing it in all of it s entirety he felt as he was being ripped apart limb by limb. As if a heart that no longer beat was being ripped to shreds. As if his soul was being tormented and destroyed and he just didn t understand why someone as wonderful and beautiful as his Alicia could be hurt like this. could be tortured and brutally murdered. He just couldn t speak because nothing seemed to make since. He wanted to fall down right there and die, he wanted to grab a stake and stake himself right then and there and if it weren t for there children, he might ve done just that. But somehow he just sat there, his heart and soul sinking deeper and deeper into oblivion as he felt that everything he was and everything would become was being shredded and destroyed just in that moment. But the worst was still yet to come. If he cared he might ve smelled smoke but at that moment he didn t care. All he saw was a woman he adored destroyed and a family torn apart. And he wanted to feel nothing. He wanted to be empty of all emotion but all he could was uncontrollable rage and sadness. A sadness and rage that could tear a man apart.

That was when a huge, Roaring fire Engulfed the whole Ceiling in a blaze Raging fury. This fire was like no fire angel had ever experienced before. It s power was undeniable and evil and the more the flames blazed in an ominous, almost mocking way his heart and soul appeared to get darker as he was he was losing touch with everything he was and felt lost, He felt like he could become the darkness right now because the fire seemed to burn right through him.

Once, He thought he could get her free. Bury her good and proper. Give her what she deserved. He lunged towards the fire thinking about nothing but getting to her. But a flame seemed to intentionally strike out at him as he fell backwards. He forced the tears to stay on the inside. Believed that that s what he needed to do. It s what Alicia would ve wanted. It s what their children deserved. But he felt that he didn t have the will to get up. He wanted to sit there, to die along with her. The fire seemed to taunt him, so ominous and evil. He knew, He knew that this fire wasn t just a ordinary house fire. Alicia hadn t just oddly appeared on the ceiling like that nor had the fire just simply started on the ceiling..Some thing did this. He wouldn t rest until it suffered. He felt a darkness take over inside. It had been that darkness that had made him get up, Lunging for the crib to pull the small baby in her blanket into his arms. Now, Elizabeth Was crying; She was screaming and fussing so much and Angel stole one last glance, he was hoping. Hoping with all his might that maybe, Just maybe he d see her one last time. he knew that all she was was bone by now and that enough made his heart break. he pulled the baby into his arms muffling the smoke with his own shirt so the baby wouldn t be warmed. The children came running out of their rooms. He stared at his 5 year old son, Connor. I want you take a hold of you re brother and sisters hands and lead them out of the house. I ll lead you with Elizabeth , Angel told him blunt and to the point. There was such a darkness inside of him. He felt like it was a storm and the storm taken control. He led them down the stairs even as the younger two coughed he told them to hurry up.. But what about Mama , Connor exclaimed with tears in his eyes.. Just go ..Angel roared. He hadn t known where he got such rage to yell at his son. but it seemed just with all he d seen..All they all had lost tonight.

He d hoped that soon they d be free and maybe someday they d see the world the way they used to see it. Maybe then he could feel different and not so dark inside, Not so destroyed. But a person who sees real evil in it s most purest form can only and will only see evil wherever he looks.

Once he got the kids out of the house and spoke to the police he rushed to the hospital. Karen had given him an open invitation that she would be there for him anytime because that s what friendship was really about. This was going to destroy her,too. After all, Alicia had been her best friend. he had a hard time even saying the name without feeling his inside being torn into hell but he d do whatever he needed to do to protect their children. Because in reality that was all that was left for him, that and black, dark revenge that was his every waking thought from now until forever. And as the darkness took over he felt every good thing he d once believed being torn apart and left in darkness.

-Lawrence,Kansas November 2,1983-

Afew days later in a house in Lawrence, Kansas Mary was just preparing to tuck the boys into bed. It was another late night for her husband, John. He was a partner at a garage with an old friend and sometimes he could work pretty late depending on the night but she didn t mind. She loved being there for their boys and tucking them into bed each night. She couldn t believe how big little Sammy was getting. It seemed like it had just been yesterday that he d been born and now he was six months old. Mary believed that he looked more like John than her-dark brown hair and those dark blue eyes. Pretty soon he d be saying his first words and crawling around, She couldn t wait for that. They had the camera loaded up with film for the day he walked as they had done the same thing with their 5 year old son, Dean. This was a good life and she was grateful to have this life. She knew that that a normal life wasn t always what her life was supposed to consist of. But one of her best friends, Alicia Daniels..She d once told her that getting out of the life was what saved her life. The life being the life of hunting the supernatural. That had been everything that Mary s world had consisted of but She didn t have any such story as Alicia had. Alicia s little brother went missing on the night of her fifth birthday..But Mary s family had never had a reason to hunt, Only because it was in their families Lineage and it was what was expected of a Campbell. Her father had gone on when she was young, Saying that their family of Hunters went all the way back to The mayflower . But she d never wanted that life. She d made a deal to get to where she was and she was thankful everyday. Thankful that she had John, Thankful that she had Dean and little Sammy. This life was thanks enough. Dean had just started to play T-ball and they had been overly invested in his games, John would treat them all to ice cream Sundaes after the game whether he won or lost and for months they d been buying new toys and clothes for baby Sammy as he seemed to grow out of everything so quickly. He was growing so fast and it hadn t not crossed their mind that someday soon their little baby boy would be walking and Dean would be going to his very first day of school,ever. Just the thought of such things made Mary think that time was going by too fast. But she enjoyed every moment of it. Being with a man like John was a reward in itself. He cared so much about her and there boys, he d give them anything and everything he possibly could. If there was something he couldn t do for them or give them Mary would see the hurt in his eyes. John was just that kind of man. He doted on her and the boys all the time and he was upset when he couldn t provide as much as he hoped he could for them.

She remembered the night she d lost john, Sure it had only been for a few minutes but to her it had felt like an eternity. That had also been the night she d lost her parents and decided to leave hunting for good. That was the night she d decided that what she wanted out of life was a lifetime with John. A family with John. Now that she had that, she never wanted it to end. But there was another thing that had happened that night. She d made a deal with a yellow eyed Demon. A deal that saved John s life and was able to give her the life she wanted. The funny thing was that she hadn t thought about the price until it was too late. She didn t know why she d thought of the price right now at this moment. Their was always a price with making a deal with a demon but John had been everything, she would ve given her own life to save him and the same went with her boys, now. She d thought that it was just one of them things that memories brought back every once in a while. No big deal. So she went about her business tucking little Sammy into his crib in the nursery, Dean was by her side saying good night to his little brother. The happy six month old baby giggled up at Mary which always made mary smile because being a mother and a wife made her feel so good about herself, even though John didn t know about her past , She figured he wouldn t believe her anyway. John wasn t the kind of man that believed such things as Demons and the such. He even mocked the psychic shows that Mary watched all the time saying It s just for entertainment . of course Mary didn t believe that all of the shows were just for entertainment but she had deeper knowledge of certain things than John did, Just as John had a deeper knowledge of the war and being a marine than she could gather from all of the war movies that John would watch.

But just the idea of waking up everyday for the rest of her life and being a mother, A wife. that was was the greatest gift she could have in her life. To not be a part of that world. Sure there was times she thought about the memories of the past. Her best friend, Alicia who she hadn t seen in years. Every time she looked at dean she remembered when he was born and she and John had made Alicia and her husband, Angel his god-parents. But she didn t like to dwell on the past too much because the future was nothing to be ashamed of especially if it were anything like the present.

Dean s medium length light brown hair swayed from side to side as the small 5-year old boy peaked through the bars of Sammy s crib saying goodnight to his baby brother. Mary stroked Dean s soft hair with a soft smile as then John entered the nursery just coming back from work. Dean s eyes lit up with excitement and pure joy. As he and his father had a special father/Son relationship and like any other little boy, he loved his father. Daddy,Daddy ..Dean called out in excitement as he ran to John. John lifted the small boy into his arms with a proud grin which was full of pride. Pride for his boys, Pride for his wife. He was proud of the life that he d created with Mary and the family he had. John had believed that it didn t get much more lucky than that. He stroked dean s hair as the boy smiled back at him.. So you think Sammy s ready to toss around the ball? , John Joked. Dean giggled.. No,dad , the boy replied half giggling,too. It was a inside joke between father and son. Mary smiled as she turned the nursery light off. She walked over smiling tenderly at her husband and son, You got him ? she asked. John nodded.

Once Mary was gone, still holding a half asleep dean he stepped closer to the crib gazing in at the little baby boy.. nite Sammy , John whispered. then he stepped out of the nursery with a sleeping Dean in his arms. A second later he was in dean s room. Which if the room was lit would ve been more of a brighter and more energetic room with Bright Colors and toys,everywhere. Tucking Dean into a bed with cartoon characters in reds, blues, and yellows Dean stared up, his eyes barely open.. nitelite , he urged. Like every other child of 5, Dean had to have a nitlite as the dark scared him. Once the little Ninja turtle nitelite was on he was content. John Leaned down to hug his son and kiss him on the forehead.. I love you Dean , he whispered to the boy. He was almost out of the room when he heard an echo, I love you too,Daddy . He smiled. Right at that moment he felt like the luckiest man in the world. Like in history of the world there wasn t a man as lucky and as happy as he was at that moment.

Now that both his boys were fast asleep in their rooms he thought he d go see about Mary. He d found Mary in there room dressed in a white, cotton nightgown. Her long blonde hair fell down her back and her dark blue eyes made her seem like the most wonderful person ever. But on a day like today, her eyes were tired eyes. But they were happy,too. She smiled at him. their out like a light , John exclaimed as if she had asked. But he hadn t needed her to ask. It went without saying that she d wander if the boys were still awake or not. After all, Most days it took longer to get the two of them to fall asleep but tonight for some reason it wasn t so hard at all.

He pulled Mary into his arms and hugged her. He kissed her deep and passionately and she did the same. She looked into his dark eyes that to her glistened with beauty. John Winchester had always had rugged good looks to her. It was part of why she d been interested in him in the beginning. But his heart, His heart was biggest heart she d ever experienced. That in itself made him attractive. It had always amused her why her father had been so against her and john. But of course, John wasn t a hunter, she came from a family of hunters and all Samuel Campbell had cared about was her marrying another hunter. Ofcourse, He liked John. But had never thought he was good enough for his daughter but he didn t have a say then and he sure as hell didn t have a say in it now.

They just stood their, wrapping in each others arms for good long while just taking in how much they loved each other. Sometimes they did this without even saying a word. As if all of the time together was nothing when they believed they had infinity. But after a while Mary sighed. Guess who I heard from this afternoon? , Mary interrupted the stilled silence but John didn t say anything, Just listened as he had a long day and even though he wasn t tired, He could hold Mary in his arms forever and not ever want for anything more. After a moment he gave in, Who? , Mary smiled. Angel , she replied simply. That was enough to raise acouple of eyebrows.

That was when they had pulled apart and the conversation appeared to get more intense. There was nothing more than John Winchester wanted to more than hold Mary in his arms forever and never let go. It had been a long while but you didn t forget somebody who was your best man at your wedding, nor did you forget somebody that was you re son s godparent either. He d had a very nice friendship with Angel and they hadn t heard from Angel nor Alicia in a very long time and John was anxious to hear about their life yet something told him, some unknown feeling or warning sign showed him that People didn t just call you up after all of this time if it s good news. But still, he was curious.

The truth was that Mary had tried to keep her grief under wraps all day long, Ever since she d recieved the phone call. She wanted to look like nothing in the world was wrong because she didn t want Dean to worry. Sam was so young. Too young to really notice things like this. But Dean, Dean would ve picked up on it right away. He would ve crawled up on her lap with a sorrowful look and he d utter, Mommy,what s wrong? , What would she have said. What could she have said?, My best friend died yesterday? , Would she have said that or would she have made up some kind of a lie? That had been the real reason she d been thinking about the past all day today. Something Angel had said had made her remember the yellow eyed Demon on the night of her parents death, the night John had almost been gone forever and she couldn t get any of it out of her mind since that phone call. She just kept telling herself over and over again, Alicia can t be dead..and not dead like that , The concept that Alicia could be harmed in such a brutal and evil way tore her heart to bits. Now that John was back it was hard for her not to tell him. They were friends. Angel was there friend and so had been Alicia. But as Always she had to watch the way she said things as John wasn t from the world of hunting , He wouldn t understand. Angel said that Alicia is dead..A house Fire, The police think. ,Tears welled up in Mary s eyes, but this time she didn t bother to fight it. John held it back. The tears and sadness he felt for good friends and he was thankful to everything that given him this life he loved that it wasn t him. He didn t know what that made him and he felt bad about thinking it. All he could think about was how horrible angel must feel, how terrifying it must be for little Connor. They hadn t seen them since they d left Lawrence and started over in North Carolina. Sure, they d wrote acouple of times over the years but somehow they d just moved on with there lives and had lost touch with eachother. That was normal; Natural. But still, to hear this news. His heart broke for Angel and their son as Connor would have to be about Dean s age now and that was alot for anyone to take in, Much less a 5 year old, child. But still he held it all back. John Winchester wasn t the kind of man to openly show his feelings. Mary always seemed to where her heart on her sleeve but he d never been that way. He felt it was his job to be strong when tragedies happened to people they loved. Friends that they had cared very deeply for.

John pulled Mary into his warm embrace letting her cry on his shoulder, Doing all that he could to comfort her. Sure, he d looked at Alicia as a friend. But Mary had known her the longest. Alicia had been like a sister to Mary. This would be very hard on her and John knew that there would be months of grieving ahead of them but she had him, all of the time. If there was one thing he wasn t, He wasn t the kind of husband that could be insensitive and selfish, In John s reality Mary s pain was his pain. To him that s what marriage was about. When the woman you loved was happy, you were happy because you loved her so much, when she hurt, you hurt. that s just the way he looked at it. He couldn t even bare or imagine a life without her in his heart, In his soul..He needed her for everything. She was his everything.

She soon was fast asleep in his arms, needing him just as a young child would need their parent in a raging storm. He pulled Mary up into his arms carrying her to there bed. He laid her on her side of bed pulling the powder blue bedspread up to her chin just as he had done for Dean. She was so exhausted by grief, the sleep would do her alot of much needed good. He then shut the light off and left the room considering going downstairs and watching a movie. Maybe a war movie,even. He felt so angry right now, Angry to hear about the tragedy that had happened. Mad that they couldn t have been there or done something. He promised himself to call angel first thing in the morning once he asked Mary where he was staying and how to reach him and he d do what he had to let angel know how sorry he was and how sometimes bad things happen to good people. But then, It was easy to say acouple simple words and feel empathy for a man, a family that had lost everything. It was rather different when you were in the driver s seat and felt what it really felt like to be numb with pain so intense you couldn t even comprehend what the true meaning of love meant. Because that was john s future.

Feeling this way it always made him feel better to watch some kind of action movie or a war picture. Maybe it had been because he d been a marine and had always dealt with pain and sorrow by fighting so it made since that he would feel better after he relaxed with a good war movie and that s just what he did. He went down to the front room where there was a brown leather sofa and a small 20 inch t.v. and he put a video tape of some old war movie Mary had bought him for Christmas last year and he kicked back.

The house wasn t much to speak of. Just an ordinary 3 bedroom suburban home in Lawrence, Kansas. But John had even noticed that there was a darkness tonight. Not a natural darkness but an eery,stillness. Much like several nights he d served when he d been a marine and he wanted to ignore. To pretend that he didn t notice how it felt or remember what it was like when something in the air told him that something wasn t quite right. He d always had good instincts. But everything was still and quiet. Too quiet. But even though he kept watching the movie.

On the movie there was gunfire and men yelling out orders from the sidelines but soon enough John Winchester had fallen asleep. He might not have awakened until morning if his suspicions hadn t proven right.

While John had been sleeping downstairs in front of a noisy, War picture Mary had been laying restlessly in bed in their bedroom covered by a powder blue blanket, Just the way John had left hours ago. she d fought with sleep all night long but all she could think about was Alicia and how bad she felt. She dreamt about yellow eyes and hunting. and she feared the future.

Just acouple of minutes passed when the baby monitor on the small wooden table by her side of the bed started to interrupt her sleep as she heart Sammy in the nursery, Fussing and crying. Pulling herself out of bed, Mary guessed that maybe Sammy was hungry or needed to be changed so she pulled herself out of bed. her long white, cotton nightgown felt down to just above her ankles as she edged out of the bedroom lit by the haunting rays of moonlight as descended into the dark, cold hallway. Not everything was dark,though. In the distance of the hallway a hallway light hanging from above swung and continuously flickered. At first Mary had wandered if she was dreaming. This seemed like the perfect setting for a nightmare. But she quite certain she was wide awake. she tapped her fingernails lightly on the light-bulb to stop it from flickering. After a moment it did. But she kept on walking in the direction of the nursery to check on Sammy.

Stepping into the nursery she saw a shadowed figure standing in front of Sammy s crib. At first, she thought it was john. She signaled that she knew that John had the situation under control and then she edged down the stairs. She was going to get a class of water and go back to bed. That was when she saw that the TV was still on in the living room and john laid their in a brown leather lazy boy chair half asleep. Panic seemed deep inside of her as she raced back to the nursery to confront the thing that was in there. But he turned around and she saw what she d feared most, yellow eyes . The most vicious and evil yellow eyes she could ever remember seeing in her entire life and then she knew. you ..She roared in dismayed shock as the door slammed behind her blocking her from being able to leave. But she didn t care at that moment as the only thing that had mattered at that moment in time was her baby. But before she knew it she was being raised to the ceiling. The demon to raise a finger. He could do it without even laying a finger on her and soon she was on the ceiling staring down, Frightened into her innocent baby boy s eyes. With the last bit of self control she had in her she sent out a shrill scream. She screamed as loud as she possibly could. Screamed for John to help her, She knew she was dead. But The boys still had a chance. John and The boys were all she cared about at that moment. Saving them and the demon knew it. His green eyes glistened with the darkest kind of evil imaginable knowing that she knew her time was up and he found her willing to go down so easily rather appealing as she was willing to give her last breath to save her family..That was something the yellow eyed demon envied. He respected that much.

Meanwhile, Downstairs John had been awakened by the shrill, horrifying sound of Mary s screaming. A scream he hadn t heard much in their married life as he d never wanted to ever hear it as Mary being in pain was something that was intolerable to John. But he was hearing it and as the moonlight gleamed in it made the house seem like a scene from one of those horror movies with the haunted house story-line that Mary could seem never to get enough of. But he wasn t sure whether it had been pure fear or worry, Or maybe adrenaline. He d heard about people saying that adrenaline in times of great worry and grief wasn t unheard of and he wandered if he d experienced it tonight. There was no way he would ve or could ve gotten upstairs so fast unless it had been adrenaline.

He d been soon stepping inside the nursery as that s where the screaming had been coming from. He hoped he d been just simply hearing things. Hoped that Mary was fast asleep in her bed and he was just reeling from a bad nightmare. But his instincts told him that he was fooling himself, besides he had great instincts as he had served as a marine in the war an he knew afew things about when the enemy was in the lion s den, so to say. Somehow, his instincts were telling him that something wasn t right. He d felt like he d been watched and so had his whole family. But oddly enough when he d walked into the nursery everything seemed normal. It was dark, except for the rays of moonlight that shifted through the window beside the crib. He didn t see mary anywhere and Sammy laid in his crib giggling, supposedly as happy as ever. How much different afew minutes can make were the one thing that changed their lives forever because afew minutes difference could destroy everything and John Winchester had learned that on that night.

He d stroked Sammy s face with his hands beaming down at his son getting that warm feeling every time he was around little Sammy but it wasn t just about being a new father again, He got that feeling every time he got the privilege of kissing Mary and holding her in his arms, Or when he was given the privilege of going and seeing one of Dean s T-ball games. The whole apple pie lifestyle was a blessing for John as he d never known that he would love being a husband and a father and working a 9-5 job so much but he hadn t realized until that night how he d taken it all for granted. He d thought that Mary would always be there, that they would always a healthy, Happy family. He d had dreams, fantasies on what it was going to be like when the boys when to grade school, when they went to Junior high and high school and then college. He d wanted it all. He d believed that he and Mary would be old lovers until the day they died and that their life would be like one long and romantic song. He was a romantic back then because in his eyes he couldn t help not to when he had a love as great as the love he had with Mary...and then it was all destroyed within a blink of an eye.

Drip, Drip, Drip..Came three blood splatters down on his hand within an inch of actually falling on little Sammy and that s when John had looked upward out of pure reflex and the second he did he wished he Haydn t as he was so shocked, so stunned by the terror that he was seeing he fell to the ground screaming her name, Mary ..he called. But he knew she wouldn t answer back, he knew she was dead. She was there on a ceiling, pinned as if glued to the ceiling but something unseen and she was bleeding, her stomach was bleeding and dripping. She was so pale and limp. Her eyes were just dark, Lifeless holes that no longer could see or experience anything. Mary was gone. John was still having trouble realizing that Mary..His Mary..His boys mother was gone. But he had hope. Hope that what he was seeing was a bad dream or maybe he wasn t seeing right. Maybe she could be saved, he d thought that if he could just get to her he could save her in time. Why she was up there and bleeding so much didn t register to him at that moment in time, only thing that did was that there was so much pain inside of him at that moment. So much terror that he d felt to weak to do much of anything, Let alone pull himself up and try to save her. His mind knew that she was gone and she couldn t be saved..that it was too late. But his heart believed in hope, In miracles. His heart could still see a future where this night never happened. So he pulled himself up just in time to jump forward, in a weak, failure attempt to get her down when he knew that even if he d had he d just be holding a shell of a person that he d loved very much. She d just be corpse, his mind tried to tell himself. But heart. A heart that didn t want to believe kept reeling over and over again after every scenario that could happen that could make this night just be a nightmare. It was surreal, But alot of nightmares were surreal. But it was inevitable. The second he d lunged upward to try and save what was already lost a big spark lit up the ceiling of Sammy s nursery spreading over Mary as if a sheet of Lava had come up and swept her away. But in the weirdest since it was as if this wasn t ordinary fire. He still believed that the second that house was burning in the night and he still believed it years and years from this night. He could feel it, A growing evil that had seemed to come into his house that night and destroy everything that his heart could love and honor and as if a dark, evil force had been behind it, Taunting him. Telling him in whispers, You ll never save her . At first he d told himself that he d heard nothing except his inner agony and pain calling out to anyone who would care. that s all that had existed in that night..Terror and pain.

He d felt so cold inside, so empty. As if everything that was good and loving inside had been peeling away and all that was left was a big black whole where his heart used to be. He d felt it beginning that night, felt the darkness take him over. Not many people can point out the moment they knew everything went wrong, The moment they knew that there life had changed forever and there was nothing he could do about but fall to pieces along side the blazing glow of ominous flames that seemed to Rage hotter and hotter just to taunt him, Just warn him and remind him that in the scheme of things, he was nothing. But it wasn t just the darkness that had raged in his heart and soul on that night, That was the night that John Winchester died. Well he may not have physically died that night. He may not have had a final resting place or flowers placed on a grave but on that night he d felt his heart and soul pass away from him and he was no longer the same man he d been..He was just a dark, Angry man willing to do anything to understand what had happened on that night. Willing to do anything in his power to find Justice; Revenge for what was and shall never be again.

Feeling the smoke choking him and the anguish and sadness turn into rage, All he cared about was getting the boys out safely. He d put his heart and soul into the boys, Protecting the boys and finding out why Mary had to die. that was the only part of living he had any interest in. He d do what he had to do, Like on a mission. It was just like being at war again because when you were at war the only that mattered was being the hero, working the mission. Nothing else mattered. No heart, Just a duty. It was the same now. He loved his boys enough, sure. His love for his boys was enough to keep him around as long as he had to be to get his revenge on who did this to his family. It was the love he had for his children that had kept him from crumbling into the fire and letting fate take him, if that s even what you called it. But he had a duty, a job. To make whoever did this pay and protect the boys at all cost. That s all that mattered now. That was his only purpose now.

He rushed to the crib as he felt the smoke begin to thicker, he choked on it a second but wasting no time he pulled the small six month baby in his arms. Sammy was warm from the hot fire that flamed all around him and he was fussing and crying so hard. But John Wasted no time, He rushed with the baby in his arms out into the hallway scanning pure need for his son, just in that moment remembering that now the only that matter was his boys. But Dean was there, soon he was running over to him. the small 5-year old boy looked pale as he had been coughing on smoke. In that moment John had hated himself for waiting so long, he d looked at it as a weakness that he d been weak enough to just sit there in broken silence. His son could ve been dying while he was drowning in self pity. It didn t matter if he had the right, Dean needed him, Little Sammy,too. But again, he wasted no time. He rushed to the small boy kneeling down with the baby in his arms. John handed little Sammy to dean as he told him in strict, stern orders, Dean,Take your little brother outside , John demanded. The first of many orders he d give his son.

Just by one look he could tell that all of this was hard to process for Dean. Of course it was, He was no fool. He was having a hard time understanding this and he was a grown man and he hadn t been shielded all of his life by his family or friends, He d seen alot of tragedy and evil in the war but still, that hadn t even prepared him for what he d seen tonight but all he could think about was what his commanding officer had once told him, Not all wars start on the same battlegrounds . Right now, at a time like this John thought about all he d heard and all he d experienced back then and he d not known it then but it had prepared him for what kind of life he was about to face.

He didn t know why but after the boys were out of sight he stole back into the burning nursery. He didn t know what he was trying to do or what he expect to accomplish by charging back in there. Was he trying to punish himself? As if to steal one last look at the life he d just lost. But something prevented him from even doing that. All of a sudden the fire had started to get brighter and hotter than ever and the room began to go up in smoke..If he would ve walked in there this second he would ve went up with it.

He stepped outside just in time to see the top half of the house complete discintigrate right before his eyes..Lifting the boys in his arms and quickly charging away the three of them were safe. But standing there an hours later holding his boys in his arms, Telling the police what had happened and realizing that this was real. this wasn t just a bad nightmare, or too many scary movies too late at night. This was his life now, this was there life now. He just sat their holding his boys feeling the darkness taking over and completing erasing everything that he d loved. Everything he d loved had had something to do with Mary and the only reason he was still standing was because of the boys but this darkness scared him beyond reason..Did this darkness have a name. He wasn t sure. Maybe it did, maybe it didn t. But John thought it was Revenge .


	3. World turned Black

Ch.2 A world turned black

Mike Russell had been a long time best friend of John s. He d served with him as a marine and they had both opened a garage together and were good mechanics. It wasn t the perfect job but it was what had put food on the table and it had been what kept there families happy for so long, it was what still kept Mike s family happy. His wife Katie was a sweet woman, John had always liked her. Long soft red hair with fair skin and light freckles on the bridge of her nose and deep green eyes..She was the kind of woman that had a sweet word for anyone and would try no matter the tragedy to make things seem like they weren t being completely destroyed. As Mike had said. His wife didn t have a pessimistic bone in her body. While Mike was just a realist. He wasn t Pessimistic nor was he an Optimistic person. He took things had face value and then moved on, It didn t matter how dire the situation was. Said before that he d learned to expect the most dire situation no matter how happy outlook was. that was just mike for you. Mike was a handome man, Most women when they d been young and went to clubs had flirted with Mike first off. with his dark brown blonde hair and dark sea green eyes and skin that always, somehow looked tan even though he wasn t truly an outside person and most days stayed inside. But he still always seemed to look like he lived at the beach. Men were jealous of him, Women wanted to be with him. Mary had always told John that not everybody could appreciate a man like him..Maybe he didn t look like he stepped off of the beach like Mike did But he had Many other qualities that she found indeed, sexy .. Mary had also said once that she found tall, movie star look alikes to be boring and plain looking while she liked a huskier, Muscular man who had grit. One night, 3 months before he lost her she d been talking to him about just that, Mike may be cute but you John Winchester are sexy , When John had thought about to his best night with her it had been that night. He didn t believe in having sex. He never had sex with Mary before in his life because saying the word made it seem like nothing but a deed, With mary it wasn t just that word, It was making love. The whole world seemed to stop everytime they had eachother close and near and all that existed was the two of them..Two heartbeats beating as one and a love that to this day, John can t even bare to describe for describing something that is lost to him is to agonizing to put into words but he did say one thing to Mike once after that night, I doubt even heaven could compare to what I had with mary , that had been the second night after they had lost her, That night he d cried himself to sleep on the rare occasion he d allow himself to sleep that was.

Mike nor his wife Katie had any children of their own Nor was there any plans for future children. Katie wasn t physically able to concieve a child and Mike never wanted one. Believed that a child should be born into a much better world, He d even used John s children as the example.. This world is horrible,John. What we saw back then..and now what s happened to your family..what those poor kids will go through..Days like today I m glad me and Katie can t have kids , Mike had been very blunt and to the point about how he felt about the world and bringing children into it. He wasn t the kind of man to tiptoe around a subject if he had an opinion nor was he the kind of person to shut his mouth and stay quiet if he was mad at somebody.

But they were wonderful the boys which John thought was a complete shame they couldn t have kids or atleast adopt one. They were truly very understanding and warm to his boys. Even Dean, Who weeks after they d lost Mary, Hadn t said a word. The only time the boy ever relaxed was when he was around little Sammy or when John tucked him into bed. Ofcourse the next morning he usually found dean cuddled up close to Sammy in a pull out bed, his arms wrapped around his baby brother as if Sammy was the only one that could understand whatever feelings he was going through and John could only guess because Dean would not talk to him but the truth was that John hadn t talked about it either. Just yeserday, Mike had suggest that John and Boys go and talk to a shrink..John had all but laughed. As far as he was concerned. He didn t go to a shrink for anything he saw or dealt with being a marine, so he wouldn t have any need for a shrink now. And if Dean s going to talk to anybody it s going to be own father , John had merely snapped. He didn t mean to get so angry with mike. But if it was anyway of understand, He was still grieving. He thought he d be grieving until the day he finally died. That s how he looked at it now, finally . this life wasn t doing him or his boys any good. How did you see something like that and just try to forget it. He had one thing that he was grateful for in that night..Dean hadn t seen it and Sammy had been too young. He d surely forget by the time her turned 1. John was grateful for that. But he was less grateful for the fact that by that time he d also forget mary too and that pained him. The fact that he d grow up not knowing her, not remembering how she was like or what she looked like. That right there really hurt. Atleast Dean would have some memories. Sure, through time he d forget what she looked like somewhat but he d still remember her in some way or another and that was one thing that was good. But it wasn t supposed to be like this. They weren t supposed to just have memories of her...she was supposed to really be here..Forever. What happened to forever, he wandered.

But he was really trying to be strong for the boys. Besides, Mike and Katie were doing there very best to help out with the boys. But things weren t alright. Dean was still not talking and Sammy still cried at night. The crying didn t bother john. He was crying for his mother and when that crying stopped John knew it would be over for Sammy. He d never once thought that it was better to forget and be painless than to remember and have pain. Sammy was not better off by forgetting because if he had his choice of forgetting mary entirely and not having to feel this agony and torture he d still pick his memories over nothing because those memories gave him something that the present could not... Hope .

But the truth was that John didn t think he d ever be ready to move on and go back to work. To act as if mary hadn t died and nothing had changed. He wasn t so sure he was that strong. Just the other day he d grabbed one of Mike s Beers that were in the fridge in the kitchen and before he d known it he d downed the whole six pack. Ofcourse, he was good for the money. He d set some money back for emergencies a long time ago. Mary had called it , Smart Money . She always preparing for a emergency. Said that fate could weild a cruel sword. Right now John was glad that he had that money..That along with a fund he d put in the boys name when they were born and he wouldn t spend it. Not one dime unless he had to. He knew that Mike was right, Soon he d have to go back to work. He couldn t live off of emergency money forever but the thing was he liked drinking. He liked drinking alittle too much. If he drank enough beer and got completely wasted he felt numb. Numb towards the world, Numb about what he d lost. Feeling numb was the best option he had. He d gotten so he wanted a drink all of the time..that as well as going to the library and trying to find out just what had happened to his wife. ofcourse, Mike called him nuts. Said that it was a typical house fire..John didn t dare ask.. What s so typical about my wife being burnt alive on the ceiling of our son s nursery..what s so normal about that,mike? , But he wouldn t dare say something like that. Besides, he doubted that mike would ve even said anything. Mike was a realist. He didn t believe in such things as the unexplained. Up until afew weeks ago, John hadn t either. But nothing else made since. he still really wasn t a believer in the sense of the word..He was just a bitter, angry man looking for answers. Answers that with each day he feared he wouldn t get. But he d be damned if he gave in that easily. He just kept thinking about how Alicia had died so suddenly, So tragically. A house fire that couldn t be explained. He d remembered that Mary had said that Angel had been inconcolible on the phone. John wandered to himself a time or two since that night..Had what happened to mary happened to Alicia,too? Just the thought made his blood run cold.

John tried to tell himself that Mary had been a different situation entirely and that what happened to mary didn t just happen to everybody in the world that had a house fire what happened to mary had been a mystery. Nobody understood it and one day he would understand and he d get revenge for Mary s sake. Not just for mary and his own sakes, But for the boys. They deserved atleast that much. It had never even occurred to John that what had happened to mary had just been about mary. He had never even thought about that scenario. But everybody kept telling him that it was a simple housefire.. Faulty wiring , that s what the cops had said. They d called him just three days ago to tell him that they knew nothing. As if he needed them to admit to his face that they were just as clueless if not more than he was. ofcourse they d told him not to bother going anywhere until they officially closed the case. He d been furious on the phone with Sheriff Hagarty as if he d been behind the fire and he was the reason that mary was dead and there life was destroyed. That was the most insulting thing that John had ever heard. mary had been his life, his world. Without her the world seemed empty and dark and yet they thought he could be a suspect. He was the only one that knew it wasn t faulty wiring. Even if it was, how did mary get on the ceiling? That was a question that no cop had the answer for and asking it was just fool s games he d realized as none of them had an answer. You know Mr. winchester...Weird things happen sometimes , The deputy had comforted him. As if that was supposed to make him feel better. But atleast he showed alittle comfort while the other cops seemed to glare at him with accusing eyes as if just because he knew there was more to it than faulty wiring, that made him to blame. He hated them, he wanted to tell them all what he d felt at that moment. Mike had forcefully taken the phone away from and let the sheriff know that He and the boys were staying with him and that they had no means to leave. He hadn t lied, it all was true as John hadn t worked since before Mary had died and the boys were still so fragile, John wouldn t dare to leave them alone..Even with Kate and Mike for the day. It was a weird thing because after they d lost mary John and the boys became inseperable as if he feared that if he let them out of his sight for one moment something terrible would happen. As if that evil night hadn t been just a night. As if something was out there, Lurking and watching. John knew that he sounded like a crazy person to think such things but he couldn t help it. His mind just kept flashing back to the night of the fire and how he d felt another presence in the house; In that room on that night and it didn t feel like just an ordinary accident like when bad things happened to good people. It felt sinister and evil. He still couldn t get that feeling out of his mind and it was still here with him today. He wanted to believe that it was because of all he d seen that night and that the feeling just wouldn t leave him but there was something out there and John feel a desperate need to protect the boys..As if the next time he closed his eyes something bad would happened to them and he d wake up to be all alone and a failure. He d tried never to fail mary in life and he d be damned if he d fail her in death. If there was anything mary would want him to do now it would be to take care of the boys at all cost and he d do it. He d do it because he loved their boys..because he loved mary. Because this gave him atleast one thing to live for and that was all he could ask for, especially on a day like today.

Mike had looked at him like he was nuts when he d told him how he felt like even now that somebody or something was watching them. John told him how he didn t think it was over and that Mary was just the first casualty. He believed that whatever was going on, the boys were in danger. Ofcourse Mike was no help, He gave him the number just this morning of a good phsychiatrist. names Robert J. Morgan..He s the best in his feild. I know that Kate went to him when she found out she couldn t have children and he really helped alot , Mike explained. John believed that that was well and fine but he wouldn t talk to no stranger about that night and get therapy for it when he knew what he saw was real and that wouldn t change no matter how many times they told him he was cirtifiable. He didn t care. He knew what he saw.

But he used to be just like Mike full of his realistic notions. He wasn t so sure he wasn t still that way to some extent as he d never believed in what mary had called, the paranormal . Called it a bunch of nonesense. But now after that night he wasn t so certain what he believed but there was one thing he knew if his instincts were right and alicia had died the same way mary had..if that was true there was only one person that could understand and believe him and that was angel. But he wanted to believe that there was a good reason for all of this madness. He wanted to believe that it had been just faulty wiring or a freak accident that made no sense but logic told him that it wasn t no freak accident and his instincts were screaming at him telling him that it wasn t over and that it would never be over until he or someone else did something about it. He knew was crazy talk, He could only imagine what he sounded like to Kate and Mike. They were good people, But they didn t believe in spooks and urban legends not that he did at this moment believe that either. All he knew was that Mary hadn t crawled up the wall and onto the ceiling..Mary hadn t cut up her stomache either and put set herself on fire..that was impossible. his personal favorite was Kate s remark just afew hours ago, Maybe you thought she was on the ceiling and she was just leaning against the wall,John.. , She d urged. He knew that she wasn t trying to make fun of him or make him sound nuts but to him it sounded like nobody believed him and then at dinner Dean had taken his hand and he knew right then and there..He had dean. He had his little boy and his little boy believed in him. Maybe it wasn t much considering everything else that had happened but when everything else had fallen apart that was enough to give him a little bit of hope and make him feel as if he wasn t completely losing it. Some days, he wasn t so sure if he was of sane mind or not. Somedays it felt like he d died in that house and his spirit was in rage trying to protect his family and make justice for mary..for what had happened to them. But when he felt the bitter and Raw Pain which made him feel as if he was being sliced up inside..he knew he was still there and that this was still real. He knew that it wasn t just some dream either. he had this horrible agony to thank for that. He just hoped that the boys were too young to feel this kind of pain. Sammy, maybe. But he d seen the dispair in Dean s eyes. Which was enough to tear him to shreds if he hadn t already been in the first place.

But today he d promised himself to pull it together. he had to. he d thought back to Mary and how she always kept these journals. Said that she wanted to write down everything so neither of them could ever forget. Everything that had ever happened in there lives up until that night had been in those journals. Sammy s birth..Dean s Birth..Dean s First words..First steps..and everything else. He wished he had those journals right here, Right now. Just reading them would make him feel so much closer to her and like she wasn t dead even though he know she was. But he d thought about starting to write things down himself but he d never been much with words and he wasn t so sure if the world or even a blank sheet of paper would want to know what he was thinking about now. If somebody were to read what he wrote they d have him committed. It was just a thought,though. But Today marked a new day. He wanted to go to the Library today. He knew that the boys were safe here with Kate while Mike was at work he was doing a great job at keeping business going at the garage. John still wasn t so sure he d ever be able to return. To him, Returning to that job..That life would ve been like saying that nothing had changed when everything had changed. He couldn t do that. He couldn t bear to do that. So he was going to go to the library and find out anything he could on what that night had intailed. Maybe he d come up with nothing and realize it was just a freak accident but maybe he d find something that would lead him somewhere. After that night he wasn t so sure what he believed anymore and if any of this brought him one more step to finding out what happened to Mary and why there family was torn apart he d do it no matter what. This was his boys lives on the line here. people have killed for alot less than protecting family, he d thought.

Kate was in the kitchen finishing up some Bagon and eggs she d put on Dean s plate. She gazed at the small boy with her brows up in sort of a question mark. Kate was a sweet woman in her late thirties, hair tied up in a pony tail and dark sea blue eyes that seemed to change colors by the mood she was in. her hair was the color of silk honey. She always had a warm, genuine expression on her face no matter what the situation was even when she was worried. This morning she d been beyond worried. Had tried to have a conversation with Dean but he d simple nodded his head in reply when ever she asked a question but otherwise he said nothing. The boy had such kind eyes, Sad eyes, she thought. his medium length light brown hair went the bottom of his shoulders and dark hazel eyes clouded over in tragedy. She wanted to bring the sun back into his eyes. It was a shame to see such a once innocent and happy little boy be taken over by dispair this way. Not that Kate could blame him. Everytime she saw the baby a part of her felt happy for the baby as he d never know this kind of pain as his father and older brother felt but in a since, that was a tragedy in himself. Mary had been a fine lady..A beautfiful lady and a wonderful mother..Not to remember her would be tragic in itself. Kate had always considered herself better for knowing Mary Winchester than anything else.

The kitchen was a large square room which had just been refinished not too long ago with oak countertops and a brand new fridge and stove. their was a long oval oak dining room table in the center of the room with five matching chairs and two see-through glass doors that led in through the outside. It was true that the kitchen got the most sunlight of the whole house and even though they weren t rich, they weren t in poverty either..they had a nice house and had respect for their things as she was always cleaning or cooking not that she believed that was her job being Mike s wife..She took pride in her nice home and she d always loved to cook, had went all the way through college and had a degree in Culinary Arts. She would ve went away to study to become a shef if it hadn t been for Mike and she found that just cooking for him alone was good enough. Not that here and there she didn t wish to be something more than a wife but it was what she d chose and she proud of her life. It was when she was faced with situations like what her friends had recently faced that made her feel lucky and grateful..Grateful that she hadn t lost mike because maybe she d lose it just like john seemed to be if Mike wasn t here to make her life worth living. She hurt for them, she really did. But having empathy for someone and knowing what they were going through were two different things..She d tried to explain that to Mike. But sometimes talking to mike about things like this were like talking to a brick wall. It was the children that Kate was most concerned about and even though John was a great father it would be the children that suffered in the end if he didn t try to greive and somehow move on.

,, Honey, You haven t ate anything on your plate..You should try to eat something,Dean.. , Kate s friendly eyes watched the small boy with worry and sympathy. But he didn t say anything but he did eat the bacon and then that sad look of dispair had returned. Just then John came through the kitchen..Kate smiled his way always trying to be of help and do what was right. To where she knew sometimes Mike could come off as judgemental and she wanted to be extra understanding. Good morning,John , she d added in a happy go lucky frame of mind. Kate was a morning person and usually was up around 6:30 preparing breakfast as usually mike was out of the house by seven. She was always happy, never frowned unless something terrible happened. She was the kind of optimist that most pessimists couldn t stand but John loved her. She was an angel to him for being so understanding, So warm with his boys. He could kiss her for that.

John noticed Dean s plate half eaten and frowned. you better eat something Dean , he reminded the small boy. But dean pretended not to hear him. Leaving his plate to no doubt go and check on sammy. These days, John had realized that Dean couldn t be any place that little sammy wasn t. it was as if they were most simply as one and being around the baby seemed to make dean feel better. John wasn t going to say anything against it but he was worried. None of them had any clue how worried about his son he was seeing him change overnight..Stop eating..Stop talking. He hadn t even cried. He needs to talk somebody , Kate s eyes twinkled in sincerity and concern. John tried not to hear what she d said. He sighed.. Is a phsychiatrist going to change the fact that his mother is dead? , John didn t mean to snap but he was sick of hearing about shrinks and how they can help. John didn t even wait to hear what she said, he rushed out of the house in a hurry. It seemed at times that no matter where he turned he was being judged or crowded over by the two of them. They didn t understand..they still had eachother. All he had was his boys and his boys had him but they didn t have their mother anymore,Did they? He was glad that the two of them had no clue how this felt. He wouldn t wish this on his worst enemy. He just kept telling himself that once Dean realized that Mary was gone, Once he grieved he d be fine again..he d talk. He might even act like he used to. But that didn t change the fact that John ddn t believe in going to a phsyciatrist. What was the point, he d thought. it wasn t like they could change that night. that s just giving dean false hope..I won t do it. He d told himself.

He climbed into his black 1967 Chevy Impala. He d remembered the day he d bought that car. He d Bought the car to please Mary. it had supposed to have been a sensible car but instead he d come to her with the impala. There was so many happy memories that included that car. Driving Mary to the hospital to give birth twice..Driving to the small church to have a simple wedding. Mike had tied roses and wine bottles on the back to give it an elegance for there day. That had been a happy day. They had all been together then. He and Mary and their best friends in the whole world, Alicia and Angel..Mike had been there ,too. That had been acouple of weeks before Mike had met Kate and they d decided to start dating. It pained John to think that Alicia and Mary were gone now. If he had a number he d call angel and offer some kind of support, or maybe just to tell him about Mary. Mary was his friend,too. But he had no way of reaching him. Especially now that his house had been destroyed and he for sure had moved to another town or like him had moved in with another friend.

But without thinking about it he climbed into the driver s seat, shut the door and started the engine. In the back seat their was a couple of Red and blue Legos on the seat and a Blue and white Car seat hooked into the far right next to the window. Soon he was driving down the street in the Impala headed towards the Lawrence public Library. He hoped to find some answers. He didn t know what to think. Maybe he d cross reference House fires and see if any of them had started with a woman burning on the cieling. He doubted he d find anything for that. It sounded like a horror story from a science fiction novel. He was trying to understand but what happened when nothing that was happening made any sense at all. He didn t know what to think. All he thought was that he had to know all that he could..If not for himself and Mary-For the Boys-. They were the only thing that was keeping him going these days.

He d found himself passing the local Grocerie store, A book store, 2 gas stations, and a local Restaurant before he d come to the Library which was right acrossed the street from the local firestation..He didn t find any amusement in the fact that he was there at the library to find some closure and understanding about a house fire that had killed his wife so brutally he was hardly able to close his eyes for the memories destroyed him everytime. If it weren t for memories so vivid he d be able to sleep again. But he didn t just remember what had happened..He remembered how it had felt like before it had happened. All of the Love and Beauty he d felt in the world..In mary..His family. How everything had been happiness and Light for them having a new baby in the house and watching him grow..Going to Dean s T-ball games. and then that night all of the horror and terror that John had faced in able to survive, In able to survive and protect there boys. But it wasn t just that, He feared everytime he closed his eyes that he d open them to find that the boys were missing too..Maybe dead just like mary. So had every intention of staying awake and Alert just in case this, Well, whatever this was didn t happen again.

The Library was just a medium sized square Brick building with a sign in front announcing Book Donations. Pretty soon people would come in and book books on a table in the library and the library would collect them and give much thanks to whoever donated. John had remembered donating books once that had belonged to an old friend of his and the librarian was very sweet and thankful to anyone who offered help. But this visit wasn t about donating. It wasn t about giving back. Even once he d stepped into the building lined with dark blue carpet and walls as white as snow lined with books shelves among book shelves of books. The Librarian didn t even think to ask if he had any book to donate today. Lucinda Sheperd was an older lady in her mid fifties with thinning Red hair with silver strands providing her hair with a sort of halo and dark midnight blue eyes..Friendly blue eyes. She always wore a pastel colored blouse..Today it was a peach color. and a navy blue skirt with matching high heels that made her look acouple of inches taller than she actually was. her eyes seemed sensitive and knowing of his tragedy.. she smiled at him sympathetically. I was so sorry to hear about your loss,Mr. Winchester . The Librarian had called out to him with so much compassion. But to someone like Lucinda he wasn t just the husband of the woman who burned up in the fire..Lucinda had remembered who John winchester really was and to someone of her age, she didn t take being a united states Marine lightly. He was a hero to her and alot of people that still remembered. So she showed him all of the respect in the world. he d earned it through and through. But now what John saw in her eyes was sympathy. He hated someone to feel sorry for her but he knew that Lucinda didn t mean it that way as most people just felt so bad for him and his boys. But pity couldn t bring Mary back and make things like they used to be so he wasn t accepting of it, except when it came to Lucinda.

He went in the way back where he knew that some of the most deepest books were. Books that wouldn t have been accepted to the public. Books about War and Death..Books on the occult in which he d never believed but was seriously considering about now..and most importantly back there the library kept and index on newspaper clippings and that s what he was really interested in. Lucinda had opened the door to the room he needed and left him alone inside as she went back to the front desk to help another customer check a book out..A little boy was standing their with a wide grin holding the first harry potter book in his hands..she smiled always happy to help a child with an enjoyable book.

John had found what he needed and now he was going through articles with a big Gritty looking book with probably a million pages or more on articles from past years. He wanted to cross reference everything and in those days they had nothing to lighten the load of looking than actually researching yourself.

Soon he d find what he needed to know and then he d find out the truth. Then maybe just maybe he and his boys could start living again. Living like Mary would want them to live because Revenge or No Revenge John knew that Mary would want them to be happy.

Article after Article said nothing to help him. There was no fire where a person was burnt on the ceiling so then he began to thumb through the books of the occult. Big, heavy books with gritty looking covers that looked like they had been pulled out of the earth. He d grabbed a book that appeared to be about demonic fires from a fire symbol carved on the cover..then there was a book with a latin name on it..A latin word for hell s fire... Tartarus Inferi in which had all sorts of strange carvings..Symbols John had never seen before in his life. He d spoke alittle Latin but not much..Mostly due to taking a course once due to curiosity. Then there was a book about phsychics and paranormal. He d taken the books to the front desk and checked out all three of them. Heavy Reading,Mr. Winchester?! , Lucinda replied surprised by the jubject matter . John just nodded a bit unsure of what to say in that situation. She just nodded as if she understood that he was a man searching for answers. Besides, it wasn t her business to know why he needed the books in the first place. Her only responsibility was to make sure he checked them out and returned them on time. So she did.

Then he d taken the books, put them in the back seat and got into the impala drove back to Mike and Kate s house. He d barricade himself into his room and do alot of research in the next few days and if he got anywhere with this he d go to a phsychic. He never believed in physchics before when Mary had been an avid believer. she d laugh to see him going to a phsyhcic now. But if she was alive, he knew he wouldn t have to. Besides, he had to find some way of protecting his family and he d tried normal means. there was no fire where a person burnt to death on the ceiling with gushing blood out of their stomaches. So next order of business was finding out what really happened. The house wasn t completely gone though. It wasn t in good shape, but it wasn t completely massacred either. But most of their things hadn t made it out of the fire, that was for certain. If he needed to go back there again to find the truth..he would.

By the time he d gotten home it was around Lunchtime. Kate was trying to get Dean to eat again. She d made him a hotdog and Chilicheese fries which was his favorite meal as a child. A meal that Mary had made for him when he was feeling bad or on his birthday. John had known that it was a very big deal that she d made it by the look on Dean s face and it wasn t understanding and thanks..It was rage. He d never seen that look on Dean s face..Not ever. Dean got up, picked the plate up like he was going to go to the table and eat..But he through the plate of food down hard and right their, he d fallen to the ground screaming..Screaming so loud that the house seemed to boom with his fury and no doubt about it sammy was awake and crying from a small makeshift nursery in the room where both Sam, Johnm, and Dean slept.

John had just been so stunned that Dean had thrown the plate of food ruining her new carpet and now he was screaming..Screaming so loud it would wake up the whole block and the truth was that John had felt like doing the same thing over and over again. John came through lifting the small boy to his feet and up into his arms and the screaming didn t cease one bit..The boy was trembling and crying now and he d retreated back into the silence that had been his way for weeks, ever since that night. John looked at Kate with a pity look.. I m sorry kate. I had no idea he d act like this..What you made was something mary had made for him all the time and I guess he didn t take it too well. I m going to take him upstairs and get him read for a nap and then I ll come down and clean up that mess..I m sorry , John tried to explain. Kate was alittle preturbed at the situation but she hadn t realized that the meal was something that mary had cooked for her son and she hadn t realized just how much dean hadn t let go until now. She wasn t mad at them..she just felt as if she d screwed up and that she may have made it worse.

But the second John and Dean were out of sight and Mike had stepped in, he was outraged. Mike had been raised differently and wanted John to spank dean. They were yelling at eachother in the Living room after the food was picked and made as clean as possible with the acception for a small stain. Kate had went off to deal with little sammy while the men fought. I m not going to spank my son for greiving. If that s a problem we can leave..We don t have to stay here,Mike. Dean Just lost his mother and you want me to spank him for ruining the carpet? He ll apologize..Either wrote down or on paper..But he will say he s sorry but he lost his mother 3 weeks ago..What do you expect? , John almost roared . I expect you to come back to work and provide for your children..Mary wouldn t have wanted to see you like this! , Mike said. John hadn t thought that mike had the guts to say something so thoughtless. Don t you ever talk about my wife like that..Mary would understand. I m not coming back to work..I m selling my half of the company..Don t worry about us..We ll get by but I can t go back to that job like nothing ever happened and it s easy for you to judge, Mike...You re wife s alive... , John Flared as he turned away and went upstairs to see his boys and then to do some hard studying. He wanted to find out all he could and then they would leave. He didn t know where they would go but he felt that there stay at Mike and Kate s house was coming to an end. Kate was beginning to get irritated. Mike was on his high horse again judging them. If he spanked his son it would be because Dean deserved it..Not because it had been 3 weeks since his mother died and he d been given the meal his mother always made him and just lost it..As far as john was considered, Dean had needed to lose it whether it destroyed there carpet or not. He cared more about his son than a lousy carpet and if it was really destroyed he d replace it..Afterall, selling his side of the garage would definitely give them enough but he wouldn t punish his son for grieving. Dean had done something that John had felt like doing dozens of times since they d lost mary.

But when he went to their room both boys were fast asleep. Dean on his bed sleeping soundly as if his outburst had taken it all out of him. Sam fussed in his sleep, but he still slept. John kissed Sammy on the cheek. His light brown hair fell in waves and his dark blue eyes now shut were dreaming. John hoped they dreamed of a world where they were a family again..The four of them.

He then walked over and kissed Dean on the forehead. You re gonna be okay,Dean..We all are. , John hoped what he said was true. He hoped that they would be okay but he hated to think it but he feared that nothing would ever be okay again.

Acouple of weeks had passed since the incident. That s what everyone was calling it. Like it truly was just an accident. But Angel knew better, He knew that this wasn t an accident and this fire hadn t been just Faulty wiring , Like the police seemed to think. yet when they were asked why his wife..Why his Alicia was on the ceiling, bleeding and on fire none of them had an answer..the cops even pretended as if they didn t hear him like he truly was crazy..Angel had seen crazy people before and he wasn t crazy..Very far from it. He d just been so far away from what it was like in this world , He d forgotten about it and lived sort of a normal life with alicia and their children..His worst fear was forget about everything that went bump in the night..To forget about how evil and cruel that world could be and sadly, he had. He d forgotten everything and even though he was a part of that world, being a vampire with a soul..He d allowed himself to move passed that fact and be someone else and in doing that he d opened himself and his family up to be victims..when you did more than simply existed..When you lived you weren t a hero, A champion anymore. You were a part of the world..And if you were a part of the world you were prey..He couldn t imagine that he and his family had become the innocent people he d used to protect and now they were victims, him included. But he wasn t naive. No Human did this..Much less had it been a freak accident or an average house fire. The truth was that he d done thing as Angelus..He d even seen things but he d never done anything like that..Sure he d turned people..he d even had his way with them and murdered..But Mary s death..Mary s death had been brutal and vicious. While Angelus kills had been poetry and evil in it s truest form, Angelus hadn t been about Brutality and gore. Not that he hadn t seen demons; Vampires that had prided themselves in that but angelus was more about what it said..the mental torture..Death hadn t been his game as he d always thought as Angelus that death was the end if his victim were dead they got there peace and it was merciful which something Angelus never was..maybe he even hated himself because back then he was capable of all of this and more..thought that he brought it on. But he knew deep down that it wasn t him who had done this. Maybe it was because he d allowed himself to live..To be a victim. But when it came down to it he was just as much of an innocent victim as anyone else could be and he knew that. He d never been a victim before..he d never been innocent in any way of the word. But he would find the truth of what attacked his family..What brutally destroyed his wife and sent his whole house to flames..he d find answers and then he d get even.

But Angel was thankful that he had friends Like Karen and Keith around. Sure, he could tell that keith was beginning to not want anybody around because they had just gotten engaged and he wanted time alone with Karen, But he did try to understand and in trying to understand he realized what it would be like if he had to live without Karen and raise little Nathan alone..Not that he was sweet all the time about it but he came the closest a person that wasn t in the situation could come to understanding and he was warm and gentle with the children..That s truly all angel could ve asked for. They hadn t even had to take them in. Angel hadn t known where they d go but they d find there way somehow..Afterall, he hadn t been born yeserday..He d spent 200 plus Traveling and knowing his way around here and there so if push came to shove he d land on his feet..It s who and what he was. But he was grateful for them..Karen had decided to let them move in without even telling Keith..But in all fairness it was Karen s house until they were legally married. Angel vowed not to stay long..Just long enough to get on his feet again and find out what their next move was. Or maybe Long enough so the cops would leave him alone.

He d met with them once already since the so called incident and they had asked him a bunch of questions.. Where were you on the night of the fire? , How was your relationship with Alicia prior to the fire? , Then they would ask him to go through what happened again..Angel wasn t stupid. He knew that they were trying to pin it on him..They wanted to believe that he killed Alicia so they could close the case and when they found out that he wasn t to blame..That Alicia died at the case of a mystery..Not an accident or a murder by natural means, That would be the day the cops would close the case and move on. That irritated Angel so much. Thankfully Karen was there and was very helpful and warm with him..Afterwards she d say, There just doing there job ..She was right. But just to be accused of such brutality..Such cruelty. It made him feel like he was Angelus all over again and it was horrifying. But he could hear Alicia in the back of his mind.. You could never be cause such cruelty, Angel ..He could hear it already..the way she d always said Angel as if he d been just that, An angel . he d missed her so much. He tried to keep strong. All of his tears were to hard, Cold, Ice on the inside and he could everything going black and something dark and sinsister taking over where his heart used to be and it was terrifying to see everything you felt, everything you believed being torn to peices..He d keep strong and he d do it for Alicia..For their children. He d do so he didn t fall apart himself. even though inside he felt like a pool of broken glass. Maybe that s what he was on the inside, Broken . That s what it felt like, anyway.

But he was trying to do the best he could in a time where nothing was easy. The person who was always on his side was Karen. karen seemed to have so much empathy for what they were going through. Karen was so helpful when it came to the children. She helped him where she could and di the best she could to be a sort of Motherly figure. Angel didn t get upset about that because if there was one thing they needed right now..it was someone who could help them and understand them..Angel wasn t grateful for much these days, But he was grateful for that.

Just the other day Karen had spoken to him alone and told him that he was invited to stay as long as he wanted. That it was nice having a house full of kids and that she felt so terrible about what had happened. The last thing she wante was to be alone after she d just lost one of her closest friends. While she felt like being around people was the answer angel felt that being alone was the answer..He had more time to think when he was alone and thinking was his number one priority at this because the more thinking he did the more he could plot and plan his next move..It was better for the children, Better for all of them and more importantly..It was all about protect alicia s memory and making whatever that was behind this pay the price..That s what mattered most at this moment..Protecting his children and getting revenge for what had happened to his wife. Karen knew where his heart was at the moment and she tried to understand even though there was no way she possibly could understand any of it. Keith was still alive. She could come home everyday to soon enough, her husband and her little boy. She could still live the American Dream. While everything had been taken from him. Sure, He still had their children but it was more than obvious that they weren t the same children who he and Alicia had raised..They were more fragile and damaged than ever. All he had left of Alicia was memories of their love and life together. Somehow he felt that he was being punished for all of his sins as Angelus and what he was..But if that was the case..Why did the children have to suffer,too?

Karen knew what he was and she respected him..It didn t matter what he d done in his past or what evil he was capable of..Like Alicia, All Karen was able to see was a good man. She d seen all the times he d been there for Alicia..She d been envious of their love. She d seen all of the times that the children had been sick and Angel had stayed with them until they d been well again..She d seen and felt his heart whether it actually beat or not didn t matter..What mattered was that Karen had faith in him and she Loved him. Not the way that a woman loved a man..She didn t have those kinds of feelings for anybody but Keith Scott and once upon a time, Dan Scott. But As a friend, She loved Angel just as she had loved Alicia and their children and to see everything torn apart like this..It seemed like cruel and unusual punishment..It seemed unfair. But she knew that sometimes bad things happened to good people. Angel had known that to as it had been something seen throughout the centuries he d been around but he d always been an observer, Never a victim. He sposed that was the lesson in itself. And Now he and his children were paying the price for living in a life without the supernatural. He guessed maybe there were prices attatched to every lifestyle. But he had to admit that if he had to do it all over again he wouldn t have changed a thing as Knowing Alicia and having these wonderful, Beautiful kids was worth all of the sacrifice..Knowing Alicia for a short amount of time and having the children now were just as much of a gift as the Curse of losing it all and having to be forced back into a life he d left behind. He d never ever regret any of it.

But the kids weren t doing any better than he was doing. Most of them could bearely sleep through the night. Baby Elizabeth Cried all the time. he guessed she missed her Mama. He didn t ever want her to stop crying because he knew, He knew that once she stopped crying she d forget about Alicia and forgetting about alicia was the biggest curse that angel could even think of. Just like he knew that just knowing Alicia made his existence worth fighting for..Better,somehow. While Connor hadn t said a word..Would barely eat anything even since that night. Sure, Angel tried to do what he could. All but force fed him to get the small 5- year old boy to sleep but in connor s own way..He was grieving..While Haley and Ethan would sit in the corner as quiet as ever and neither had slept since that night..Angel couldn t say much there...he hadn t either. But he was thankful for Little Nathan..Sometimes the only thing that Haley said all day..She d say to him. He brought her out of her shell and gave her a reason to smile in pite of the fact that her mother was dead and they no longer had a home or a place to belong.

Angel tried his best to sleep..He really did. But everytime he closed his eyes he saw visions of what it had been like. What it had been like being loved by Alicia..He d seen her beautiful face..Her long silky, brown-blonde hair and those dark sensitive blue eyes that seemed like oceans to him. He d remembered bringing every baby home from the hospital and feeling that intense love of having a home..Having a wife..children..Having a family. And then he d remember that night..How one minute he was holding Alicia in his arms..Grateful and in love and how the next moment she was on the ceiling in the nursery bleeding and on fire..How it had appeared that such a intense abyss of fire had seemed to carry her away forever..How terrifying it had felt to feel his world carried away. Sometimes he d even have a nightmare that he escaped the fire but the children were dead as well..he d wake up, rush down the hall and into their room they all shared..An extra room that Karen said hadn t been used for a long time..and he d sit there until he was certain that the children were safe. After acouple of times having that same reaccuring nightmare Angel believed it was an omen..not just a nightmare but maybe a vision..So he began sleep sitting up on a powder blue lazy boy that sat acrossed from 3 beds and a crib where the children slept..he didn t sleep much and whenever he had the nightmare he d open his eyes to see that the children were safe and sleeping sound and he d calm down knowing that maybe it was just a nightmare but that nightmare never really went away. Neither did the Daily nightmare of what had happened to his family...One of the reasons he had hardly ever slept was seeing how happy they d been and then reliving that night. It wasn t as if he was just seeing it through flashbacks..Like a memory. It wasn t like that at all. It felt like he was back in that house and it was that night all over again..he could feel what he d felt all over again and then he d wake feeling some dark, ominous power clawing it s way through him...changing him. Destroying him. and sometimes he believed that it was Taunting him,too. Sometimes in the moments after he woke up from a dream sitting their in the room where his kids slept, in a sense guarding them as if fear told him that they still weren't safe. In those moments he'd wake up and sense something..Some kind of a presence. Something that not even a vampire could smell, but he could sense it. Sense it's power, It's evil. Even sense that this was the 'thing' that had killed his wife and left them without a home. But as quickly as that presence had felt all around him, it had vanished without a trace and he was left alone in that room with the those four Terrifed and grieving children who longed for and missed their mother..Missed the days when they had a home. He wanted it all back,too. Deep down he knew that was gone forever and just that sinister presence in the dark sometimes late at night was enough to remind him of that..Sometimes he wandered if this was what he'd been to Holtz and just the mere thought would make him sink deeper and dark into the darkest, blackest hell that one could ever imagine. Just to know that the one person who stole everything from you had something in common with the one thing that you despised about yourself..the one thing about yourself that seperated you from anything and everything else: his alter ego-Angelus.

Angel was thankful. Thankful that Karen had given them a place to stay. He was certain that if push came to shove he would ve found somewhere for them to stay as he d managed to exist and cope with moving on for nearly two Centuries and then some yet after living as a human being and forgetting about what it took to be a creature of the night he d been afraid that he d lost that part of him, Sure the vampire side of him would always be there as their was no cure for vampirism. But the part of him that had been taught the ways of the darkness, The ways of the world of supernatural and pranormal. He d feared before putting on the that ring-The gem of Amarra-Feared that once he did that he d forget about all of the people that called out for help in the night and he d put that ring on his finger and when he had, He d forgotten everything he d feared to forget. It was hard being what he was, Especially now as he knew he d done things as Angelus that could compare to what this Thing had done to his family..A part of him hated himself because of it. Hated what he had the potential to do. Hated that he was a part of that world in general and as much as hating the thing that done this to his family, He hated his counterpart, Angelus just as much.

But he knew they couldn t stare too long. Sure, Karen wasnted them here. She d told them everyday how they could stay as long as they wanted. That Alicia wasn t just his wife..But she was her best friend and she was still reeling from her death. She couldn t believe, couldn t imagine not having an actual body at the funeral as all that had been left of Alicia in the fire had been nothing but ash. With no body all they could offer was a picture and even though it was hard Angel had made the the kids go because it was there mother and they needed to except that she was gone and she wouldn t come back. Connor had begged him not to make him go because he didn t want to say goodbye. He wanted to believe that his mother wasn t dead..That it was some mistake and she got out of the fire. While the others were really two young to understand. Haley who was 3 could only watch, yet she could see her mother s picture, she could not grasp what this was or where she was and Angel didn t have the heart to explain to a 3-year old that her mother was dead. Although he d left Elizabeth with Whitey and Camilla Durham as a funeral was no place for a 6 month old baby and was hardly place for his 2-year old Son, Ethan. Angel believed that he d mostly taken little ethan for something for himself to hold onto as the funeral, for him and Connor was a nightmare come to life as maybe connor didn t grasp what it all meant..But he understood that they give funerals for dead people but he just kept saying, They didn t find her Daddy..they didn t. So she could be alive..right?! , Angel had wanted to call out to him..To tell him that he could be right, To lie. But instead he d said nothing as a stray tear fell down down his face. What could he say? could he stand their and tell his boy that he was never going to see his mother again, That the people that were having this funeral were right and this wasn t just make-believe..he wasn t ready to face that truth anymore than his own son was and he had actually watched as his wife had died..He d watched as the life was wripped away from her and it still haunted him everytime he closed his eyes and if their was one thing he still didn t want for his kids, It was he didn t want them to feel what he felt..To see what he saw. Because right now all he saw was red. And all he cared about was tearing that evil, Ass-hole to Shreds and making it suffer like they d suffered..that was plan. He d known right from the start that the thing in charge of tearing his world apart wasn t a human being or even a freak accident..A monster did this. he d sensed it that night. Thought he d seen a shadow, known it had been there. Besides, this was the work of a demonic Monster..A devil,even..but not a human..Nothing with a soul could ve done that.

Angel knew that as much as Karen wanted them to stay as long as they needed to, She and keith were newly married and Angel did feel as if he d been stepping on some toes staying their..Besides, his kids plus her own son was a handful yet he did his best to keep the kids in line not that they did anything. Connor didn t even really communicate with anyone anymore much less get into trouble, The only time Haley spoke was when she was near Nathan and Ethan and Elizabeth lived in a world where nothing made sense so they could easily be oblivious..Angel felt sorry for them and was envious of them at the same time..Sure, they didn t have to go through the pain but then again..they would forget her in time..No ammount of pain was worth Forgetting his wife. He was grateful for his memories even if they tore him to bits.

But he d promised Karen and Keith that he wouldn t stay long. Just as long as he needed to get them on the road. He wanted to stay, He did. He wanted to pretend like nothing bad had happened so he could raise the children like they deserved to be raised. He wanted to give them what Alicia would want them to have-A normal life-. But Normal had went out the window when his wife had been stolen from them. He d briefly thought about giving it a year and trying to give them as close to normal as he could but everytime he closed his eyes he saw evil wherever he looked, Everytime he actually thought about things he realized that that monster had been in the nursery so obviously it hadn t been all about his wife..Maybe it was about Elizabeth too. What if this Thing came after his kids next..he wouldn t run that chance because he d find it before it found them..he d destroyed it.


End file.
